Unrealistic Demands

Pope Gregory XIII's Big Letdown

2012-01-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

The best explanation I ever heard about New Year's Eve was from How I Met Your Mother. During the initial voice-over for the New Year's Eve episode, the main character says:

"Kids, the thing about New Year's Eve is that it sucks. Sure it looks great on TV, but in reality it is always just a big letdown."

That is exactly how I feel. I'm an introvert. I prefer cuddling in my pajamas at home, with a book. I'm also a guilt-ridden over-achiever who always tries to live up to expectations.

So I feel guilty about staying home on New Year's Eve. I feel guilty about preferring to be by myself. Like I'm missing out on this great party that everyone else is at. Everything is supposed to be sparkly, and there should be confetti and laughing people, with perfectly applied make-up.

The truth is, New Year's Eve is a completely made-up holiday. It celebrates nothing but the changing of the year. Which is based on the vastly flawed Gregorian calendar, only adopted in the 16th century. That's why the Chinese New Year is celebrated at a different time, as well as the Jewish New Year. Several other religious and cultural calendars have their own New Year's. There is nothing special about the clock changing on this particular day. Especially when you take the hotly disputed Daylight Saving Time into account.

So last night, I arrived home after 29 straight hours of driving. (That's a subject for a different post about holiday travel.) I had a sore throat and plugged sinuses. I showered and curled up in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn for some cheesy movie re-runs. I celebrated New York's time-change by eating a chocolate bar and drinking some peppermint tea. Then I went to bed, before the pacific time zone clock changed.

It was wonderful. And even better is the relief I feel this morning, knowing I have a full year to find a more extravagant way to spend next year's holiday and my current concern is only remembering to write 2012 on my checks.

Next we can talk about why St. Patrick's Day is actually the best holiday ever.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2011-12-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

In case I had any misconceptions about being a young adult, the party I hosted last night took care of them.

A bunch of old college friends wanted to get together and have a Christmas "reunion" of sorts. Everyone brought some treats, some brought drinks, it was a casual affair. Until bad choices were made. On multiple accounts.

First, old friends tend to revert you to old ways. Sometimes this isn't a problem. This time it was. Add in some very extreme emotional underpinnings among some of the attendees, along with an inability to shut up - well, let's just say not much is sacred. Secrets were shared that shouldn't have been. Privacy conventions were abandoned. Then Bosom Buddy decided to get sloshed and was rendered useless. Since she's normally the only dose of sanity I can count on, I was left on my own.

Somehow it was decided that the party should move to a more public venue. An idea no one really liked, yet continued to follow along with. I vehemently objected to this and actually opted to stay home. (We can discuss my introverted ways later)

Rather upset at the turn of events, I graded some papers and went to bed.

This morning I heard someone leaving the house. With 2 other roommates and frequent guests I was not at all worried. I walked out to the kitchen to find a note from one of last night's guests that thanked us for letting her stay the night, apologized for "being such a mess" and explained that she had cleaned up the couch and pillows with disinfecting wipes.

Apparently throughout the course of the night she had begun to vomit on our couch, caught it all in a throw pillow and finally made her way to the bathroom. WHICH SHE CLEANED UP WITH DISINFECTING WIPES!!!!!!

She left without talking to us, leaving a vomit-soaked pillow on the patio, an enormous stain on our couch and much to my wondering eyes, a stack of vomit-covered wipes piled haphazardly upon our overflowing trashcan.

I don't begrudge someone a bit of unexpected stomach trouble. My own is rather queasy most of the time. But not properly cleaning up, and leaving before we've awakened? RUDE! Plus there's a history with this person that involves a wedding reception in a 5-star hotel and a potted plant.

Add to this that one of my other friends removed a mirror from our wall and tore down decorations because he was bored, my home feels rather violated. As an introvert, my home is my castle. I do a lot to keep it just so, and am personally offended when people treat it poorly. And that they didn't even bother to stay long enough to really enjoy it? Leaves you feeling used and abused.

Had we enjoyed a wonderful evening of uplifting company and rekindling of friendships I might feel as though it was all worth it. But that's nowhere near what happened.

Perhaps it is a lesson in humility for me. I judge The Riches' frat-boy and sorority-girl partying, all the while my "good" friends are just as bad. (Although to give Bosom Buddy credit she didn't make a mess and woke up at 5am to drive someone to the airport. She then returned for a formal chewing-out, which she took admirably. I was merciless.)

All day, as I've trekked back and forth to our single coin-operated laundry machine - with non-functioning dryer - using chemicals, bleach and baking soda, I've gone over the events in my head.
When did this happen? When did it become ok to act like this? To borrow an assortment of inspired lyrics; What have we become? A self-indulgent people. We were meant to live for so much more.

Legit

2011-10-25T11:16:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile.

But it turns out - that when you have a legitimate job, with legitimate responsibilities, you don't have as much time for blogging!

I started my job in the library.

They gave me my own key.

To the entire library!

Childhood Dream: Realized!

I have to admit, I kind of wish it looked a little more like this:

But, I suppose I can't be picky. I mean, I finally have a job I enjoy, with real responsibilities, and a flexible schedule and non-traditional hours.

Plus, I've been teaching on the weekends, and developing a new course curriculum. Which kind of puts that whole graduate degree thing to use!

It seems my friends, that everything is coming up roses.

The only drawback being that I don't have endless hours to spend updating my blog or staring at Pinterest.

So now, hi-ho, hi-ho it's off to work I go. And I'm not even dreading it!

Right, Wrong, and Whatever's In-Between

2011-09-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

I came across this today:

Speak out when evil runs amuck. Never let fear of reprisal keep you from doing the honorable thing. Be valiant. Protect the weak, the innocent and the needy. Use your voice, your strength, your mind, your vote, your prayers and your money to do the right thing. Never confuse appeasement with peacemaking.
-Alli Worthington

I think she and I could have a great conversation.

I've been realizing how similar I am to my dad. I've always noticed traits from one parent or the other in me, but recently I'm noticing these deep undercurrents of world views that we share.

My dad has a certain level of righteous indignation that you might have noticed from me. Like maybe here. If something is wrong, he can't just let it be. If it's wrong, something needs to be done. Take a stand, enforce consequences. As a friend put it; "Yeah, I wouldn't want to cross either one of you".

There are times when this is detrimental. For instance, I'm not sure I really understood the elements of grace while growing up. However there is a respectable amount of fervor in this attitude. When seemingly-mundane daily decisions are given careful thought as to their long-term consequences, it stands to reason that we won't be sliding quickly down a slippery slope.

I also came across this article today:

As the number of children born through artificial insemination increases, concern is growing about having many children fathered by the same donors. NYTimes

Interesting. A decision that seemed simple and easy; donate sperm for those who want to conceive, has some unintended consequences. You can imagine, 150 children with the same father, the chances that they will come across one another increase. What if they accidentally date each other? (Ewwwww!) There's some very serious problems that might arise from decisions made decades ago.

I'm not pointing this article out because I have an opinion against sperm donors, assisted pregnancies or anything else in that area. I'm pointing it out because I think it highlights an example of when something "Seemed like a good idea at the time" and ended up having far reaching effects that hadn't been thought through. Maybe those who had some reservations in the beginning didn't speak up, and now we are addressing them decades later. Maybe there's nothing wrong with it, but shouldn't we be sure of that before the fact?

I see this happening on a lesser scale everyday. We let someone behave badly toward us, we accept a decision we're not comfortable with, we sit idly by when we know there is a change that should occur, we ignore personal slights in the name of peace.

I'm not sure where the balance between grace, peace-keeping and pragmatism coincides with justice, consequences, and valiance.

It's easy to identify major decisions where this applies; wars, crimes against humanity, politics, but it's a lot murkier when it comes to smaller-scale decisions. Decisions like hurtful friendships, abiding by the boss' mandate, irresponsibility.

If you consider that most of the major conflicts between right and wrong are the result of several minor grey-area conflicts, when is acceptable to take a stand? Where should you turn a blind eye in the name of harmony and personality differences, and where should you speak out, even if it means difficult reprisals?

Any ideas? Is there a universally accepted line we can toe? Anyone?

You Can't Go Home Again

2011-08-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a long time, because I've been on vacation.

My favorite kind of vacation.

Going Home.

Well, one of my homes. I was born and lived in Guatemala until I was seven years old. That might seem really young, but when you think that everything I ever knew until the end of first grade was Latin America during a civil war, it might make sense why I had such a hard time adjusting to life in Canada. Rural, farm-country Canada then made it difficult to adjust to Southern California. Sometimes my life feels like it has been one big difficult adjustment.

I love going back to Guate. I love the fact that I can get sunburnt and monsooned in the same day. I love that when the lightening cracks, you see it in a bright straight line right down to the ground. I love how things grow everywhere, any patch of dirt sports an exotic plant. I love how green it is. I love that when you go to McDonald's it's like a nice restaurant, for a fraction of the price, and that they clear your table for you. I love that you have to kiss everyone hello and goodbye, even though in a big group this means it'll be at least 10 minutes before you can actually leave. I love that time stands still, and the whole afternoon seems to stretch into days. I love the smell of the grocery store - so very very clean, with just a hint of ripe fruit. I love the coffee, and the fact that everyone serves it ALL the time. It's like water. I love eating frijoles for breakfast and that handmade tortillas accompany every meal. I love that every time I'm standing in the airport, crying because the departure overwhelms me, someone asks "¿Se siente bien?" or "Are you feeling ok?". That sort of thing doesn't happen at LAX.

I love the people, the places, the memories, the differences.

And sometimes I don't.

It's hard to go back to a place you remember as a child, when you are an adult. While Guate is my childhood home, it doesn't mean that it has stayed the same now that I'm an adult. This makes me sad, but it also makes me frustrated.

In so many ways this is home to me. The smells, the sights, the lighting, the feelings, the weather. And in so many ways it's not. I can't speak the language very well. I long to get to the point where I can speak without taking a deep breath and pausing to figure out my next sentence. I want to wear a sign that says even though I'm blonde and pale - I'm not here for the tourism. I have a passport that says I belong here.

I look forward to this trip every single time. And I dread the moment I have to leave. I wish I could stay longer and longer. But I don't quite fit, and the times I do stay, I start to feel it. Because right now, I've made sure that I seem like I fit in California. Even if I feel like I don't, I look very much like I do. There's safety in that.

Yet every year I'm spending exorbitant amounts of money to remind myself that I don't.

All My Bags Aren't Packed But I'm Ready to Go

2011-07-31T12:23:00.000-07:00

Where did July go? I feel like last weekend was the 4th, and now you're telling me tomorrow is August 1? Well that's just silly.

I haven't posted lately, not because I've been super-busy as usual, but because I've been trying to remember how to relax.

I'm getting there, it's a difficult task.

My morning admin job ended last Friday. That means this whole week I've been able to sleep in, have my coffee in my pajamas, run some errands and then go to my afternoon job. Like I've said all along, I was meant for unconventional work hours.

Thursday was my last day at my afternoon admin job. It's been hard keeping track of what day it is, since it seems like it's been way too long since I sat in an office. I was sure yesterday was Sunday.

What am I going to do now that I am unemployed you ask?

I am fleeing the country. As it is my usual MO in situations that lack clarity.

Blame it on my missionary parents, but traveling seems to calm me down. I get very restless if I'm in one place for too long. And when my trip is over and I come back home I am just reminded of how much I love where I live.

The only downfall to my traveling plan is that I HATE packing. I will pretty much do EVERYTHING else, instead of packing. All of a sudden I get the urge to organize the pantry, sort through my tax forms, even (gasp!) work out, all to avoid packing.

Thus, my blog is finally up to date.

Oh the Things That You'll Do!

2011-07-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

I spend most of my life on hold.

Seriously.

The majority of my job is to call insurance companies, navigate their voice-activated menu ("BeN-i-FITS, UNDER-writing, REP-RE-SENT-ATIVE!") and then hang out on hold for half an hour. Look mom, that graduate education learned me real swell!

When I'm not on hold, I'm usually stuck in traffic. I pride myself on being an amazing traffic avoider. Taking side-streets, utilizing the faux exit lanes that actually turn into merge ramps, changing lanes like a schizophrenic, these are all things I do. Except I might not be very good at it, because I still spend way too much time in traffic.

Thank goodness I moved out of my old apartment last month because you don't even want to hear about how much time I spent in an elevator everyday.

All these things, they just might end up being my legacy. On my tombstone it will say:

"Her life was very important to us, please do something meaningful or you will be with her shortly".

Did I forget to mention how much fun it is to stand by the fax machine waiting for the flashing light that means the fax went through? That's a great story.

The Dark Side of Insomnia

2011-07-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

I’ve been having a bit of trouble sleeping lately.

I know right? Me of the perpetual tiredness. Who can fall asleep in 5 seconds flat, unless it’s nighttime, then I’m WIDE AWAKE!

Last night (or rather, this morning) was the worst. I was wide awake at 4:07 am. I tossed for a while, went to the bathroom, eventually read a book.

Mostly I was just bored.

No one is updating their Facebook or Tweeting at 4:30am, I can tell you that. And I have friends in at least 15 time zones.

There is no breaking news. I think even the AP wire is asleep.

I can’t get any errands done. Target isn’t open. Nor Costco. Nor Ikea. Which would be lovely because I bet there wouldn’t be any cart-meanderers, which are the bane of my existence.

There is NOTHING on TV.

Mostly I just lay in bed, hoping I’ll fall asleep. Knowing I won’t. Knowing that staying awake tomorrow is going to be next to impossible. (Turns out that with enough coffee, you can make it to the 11 hour mark. After that, abandon all hope. Especially don’t try to type out a blog post. You start to spell words the way they “feel” instead of how they are “spelled”.)

The other thing you especially shouldn’t do is have great ideas about ways to change your life, or think about your to-do list, and all the stuff you know you’ll get accomplished tomorrow. Trust me, ain’t gonna happen.

Click on your head-lamp girls, it's going to be a LONG night!

A Treatise Against the Hourly Wage: Why Henry Ford Ruined My Life

2011-07-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

Here’s the problem with being paid by the hour:

The efficient, productive employee finishes a project and is either

a) done with their job, thereby ending their workday, and reducing their pay or
b) given more work to do at the same rate of pay

This system doesn’t encourage excellence. It encourages the status quo. Do your work at a reasonable pace, so you don’t get noticed for being slow, but don’t finish too early or you’ll just be giving yourself more work.

Of course there is the theory that we should do everything with excellence, no matter the lack of reward, for the sake of being good people. While this is a very altruistic point of view, it’s not very practical. I once read a book called Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich. This woman takes on hourly, minimum-wage jobs to see if she can reasonably survive on this income. An interesting piece, if not somewhat liberally slanted. She finds that not only can she barely survive on these wages, but that her body and mind take a harsh beating as a result of this type of work. She recounts one story of waitressing at a diner, and being so bored during the slow parts of the day that she takes to sprucing things up around the restaurant. She would freshen the whipped cream on the desserts, clean behind appliances, little jobs just to keep occupied. Her co-workers began to resent her because while this was just an experiment for her, it made them look bad when they couldn’t keep this pace up in their daily shifts. Essentially, her striving for excellence, hurt others, who wouldn’t be able to reproduce this on a long-term basis.

Some jobs do necessitate hourly work, but the majority of working life revolves around a task-oriented style, thus making the hourly rate impractical.

Today my boss saw that I had finished all my tasks and was reading a news article. Instead of just waiting until he had something else for me to do, he “created” new tasks for me. These new tasks involved re-reviewing a spreadsheet that I had just completed two weeks earlier, just so I was doing something. That’s right, I said re-reviewing. It doesn’t actually do him any good, and it really just punishes me for taking care of all my other responsibilities quickly and efficiently.

Except for a few circumstances where jobs were not output-based, until Henry Ford came along and invented the assembly-line (which has its own mind-numbing issues to deal with), hourly wages were somewhat unheard of. Would you pay a house builder by the hour to build you a house? No, because they might use a hammer and nails instead of a nail gun. 2 years later, you could still be paying him to paint with a brush and not a roller. Your gardener could make a fair bit of money by the hour if he cut the grass with toenail clippers instead of a lawn mower.

Illogical.

Not only that but it basically caps your lifetime earning potential. There are only a limited number of hours in your life. Assuming you continue earning money at an hourly rate, you can basically calculate how much money you will make in a lifetime, with little to no growth. This kind of stagnancy doesn’t really speak to the American dream, despite what Henry Ford typified.

Let me ask you this:

Who ended up getting rich, Henry Ford or his factory worker?

And who was paid hourly?

I've Read the Internet, But I Don't Own a Trashcan. Classy.

2011-06-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

One of my all time favorites, Jon Acuff, tweeted this today:

Have you ever been so bored at a job, that the Internet felt small? I have.

It was like he was speaking to me. Because not 5 minutes earlier I texted this to my cousin:

"My boredom/tiredness has reached new lows. Not even Pinterest holds my interest.

If you're on Pinterest, you know what a bold statement that is.

I also called my mom, who's having an amazing time on vacation and hanging out with all of my extended family, while I wither under fluorescent lighting. While we were chatting, the office phone rang, so I paused to answer it. Because as a secretary I'm expected to do those things. When I got back to my mom I said:

"Ughhh, it really irritates me when people call and I have to answer the phone."

She said:

"Rachel! That's your job!"

Her accurate observations aside, I think I may be on to something.

I need a new line of work.

Lucky for me, I have a few irons in the fire, so to speak. But they won't heat up till August. Which is VERY far away. And I need a nap NOW.

Or a few hours to run errands. Because up until yesterday, my new apartment didn't have any trash cans. We used a Trader Joe's bag (the world's most versatile and useful product) that stood in the middle of our kitchen floor. Classy.

Also our fridge wouldn't get cold, and our milk would go sour every three days. A fridge that doesn't get cold is just a really expensive shelving system. Classy.

And while all this is happening at home, I'm stuck here, reading the internet.

And my inbox this morning consisted of a letter my boss had left, with a stamped, addressed envelope on top. My job was to fold the letter and seal the envelope. Classy.

The Tower of Babel

2011-06-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

I still have writer's block. Or maybe it's tired-and-need-a-nap block. Or maybe it's can't-find-my-toothpaste-moving-sucks-block. Whatever it is, I need to post something to my poor neglected blog.

So in the fashion of iPhone Friday, I'm going to post

"Insane Things That Came Out of My Mouth This Week".

- "Oh, yeah I figured she wouldn't be a good candidate for the job. I mean, I just can't trust someone who uses a san serif font in a traditional layout."

- "I used my patronizing voice with someone whose age is greater than mine. Dangerous? Yes. Effective at relieving frustration? Oh yes."

- "It's not that I don't appreciate other people's opinions, it's just that I already know why they're wrong."

-"I'm going to need protection from her. I think she wants to be my friend."

-"The drill is charging and starting to make drill noises."

Come on you guys, you know you want to hang out with this crazy!

* All of these were actual things that I said. Some of them I may not have meant how they sounded. Others I definately did.

Lazy Pinners

2011-06-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm on Pinterest. I like the visual quality of it. I do not like the stupid things people say about the pretty visuals. It cheapens the experience. You might not understand unless you're involved in this whole weird world of pinning. But I made a pin to show how I feel about it.

I'm just saying....

iPhone Friday

2011-06-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

Julie over at Joy's Hope does this theme on Friday called Insta-Friday. She posts pictures she's taken throughout the week with her iPhone app, Instagram.

I haven't been feeling very word-brilliant lately, so I thought maybe I would copy her idea and post some pictures of my week. I hate Instagram though, because in my opinion, most pictures should be clear and have adequate color-contrast and saturation. The filters you use on Instagram very rarely add to the picture and instead make it look like a photograph that's been chillin' in the acid-laden album since the 70's. Adding a filter does not count as "art" nor does it make you a "photo-editor". My pictures will fail on their own crappiness, not an applied filter. Although I must say - Julie's pictures don't bother me, because I think she, unlike most of my friends, knows better than to overuse the filters.

Also using the "ph" in iPhone makes a nice alliteration with the "f" in Friday.

Last week my sister took it upon herself to get this kitten adopted to a good home. She's one of those bleeding-heart, granola-and-tofu-eating, no-shoes-wearing, handmade-jewelry-loving, hippies.

But she does come across some cute stuff.

I had a lunch date with this sweetheart. Not only is she the daughter of one of my favorite people but she also looks adorable in her "Walking the Boardwalk in the Retirement Home in Florida" outfit.

Seriously. Crocs aren't cute. Unless they're on feet this size. Then they're ADORABLE.

My friend and I were out shopping and found this sign full of irrefutable truth.

My cousin found a similar one that says "I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing". Both seem accurate.

Where Are You Summer?

2011-06-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted lately.

I'm going to say it's because I was busy.

Here is what I was busy with:

-Graduating with my Master's in Education

-Working two jobs that don't utilize or compensate for my newly accquired degree

-Apartment hunting

-Apartment finding

-Apartment paperwork signing

-Apartment shopping

-Craigslisting furniture for apartment

-Craigslisting furniture from old apartment

-My dad's doctoral graduation

-Preparing for big graduation party for my dad and me

-Attending big graduation party for my dad and me

-Sitting in traffic

-Lots and lots of traffic

I've been busy, but really it's not about the time, it's that I've been too busy to feel brilliant. Hopefully I recover or this blog could get really dull.

Information Age of Hysteria

2011-05-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today my boss asked me to help him with his Facebook friend list. Before I go into this story I should explain how setting up his LinkedIn page went.

Him: “Do you think you could take a look at my LinkedIn profile to see if it’s appropriate.”

Me: “Sure. Yeah, it looks good”

Him: “Wait, can everyone see that? I don’t want people to know that I ‘Updated the Company Description’. That’s tacky! I don’t want people to know what I’m doing to my page! There must be a way to take that off!”

Me: “Uh….”

Him: “See if there’s a customer service number you can call for help”

A week and a half later I was still unable to explain the concept of social media to him. So you can imagine my hesitation when it came to facebook. He first required an explanation of when someone might use facebook. I gave him several possible scenarios and when I got to the status update part he said “Someone actually writes that? Who reads it?” (Similar to thoughts I’ve had about this blog)

He also asked why people would put private stuff out there for the world to see. And why aren’t there more libel and slander lawsuits over comments people make. His comments were similar to my dad’s comments about facebook. My dad who won’t friend request anyone because “asking to be their friend sounds needy”. Apparently we’re the Oprah Generation. Whereas his generation’s mindset was not to air dirty laundry, our mindset is to talk through our problems, even on national tv. He has a point.

The needs of our generation are vastly different from previous ones.

It is estimated that a weekday issue of today’s New York Times contains more information than the average person in 17th century England was likely to see in their entire life.*

When you think of the vast amount of information out there, no wonder we’re willing to put our private lives out there too. It’ll probably just get lost in the shuffle. Or maybe, hopefully even, someone will connect with us. Someone might notice us. With the amount of information we take in every few minutes, it’s amazing we don’t feel more insignificant. While as an introvert, I’m a huge proponent of technology as a means of connection, sometimes that connection isn’t the significant kind we desire. In the 1970’s a person received an average of 560 advertising messages a day, today we can expect to receive more than 3000 advertisements a day. (Remember that movie ‘Minority Report’ where they did retina scans to individualize advertising messages? We’re not too far from that. Even if Facebook doesn’t “comb public records to find out who you should be friends with” as my boss concluded).

There’s a lot out there. Not to mention the fact that now we just know so much more, so we have more to talk about. It’s a constructivist view of reality. We learn by attributing meaning to the information we take in.

I like to think that perhaps social media is one of the ways we subvert technology for the purpose of community.

I’ve read blogs by mothers who are unsure if they are doing a disservice to their children by blogging about particular issues they’ve been having, whether due to adoption, disability or situation. I told my parents this and they were kind of shocked that someone would share all that. However, as a former pastor’s daughter whose every move was potential sermon fodder, I didn’t quite see the shocking-ness of it. Shouldn’t we be living openly and honestly with each other? Delighting in each other’s joys and mourning their sorrows? The right to privacy is important, but the sacrifice of it is even more important if it allows us to come together. I don’t do a very good job of this in real life, but perhaps I can improve on it in my technological life. Perhaps for people like me, the connection I have with bloggers in another country is more meaningful than daily chats at the water-cooler.

To summarize: We daily have access to more information than previous generations were privy to in their lifetime. Rules and definitions are changing. I like many of the aspects of using technology for purposes of community.

* cited from Dan Miller, 2010

Reformed Thinking

2011-05-05T20:40:00.000-07:00

Remember how Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert had the 'Rally to Restore Sanity'? I loved that idea. And in the manner of doing a christian version of a popular secular idea (Stuff Christians Like anyone?), a blogger named Rachel Held Evans is doing a Rally to Restore Unity. There's so much judgment and division in the church that I appreciate this “we’re all different together” attitude. Thank goodness none of that bothers me.....

Then I started recalling a conversation I had a long time ago with a lady I worked for about the Reformation. (I know, I’m so cool right?) I think I said something about something being a central tenet of the Reformation. Like the one that happened in Europe. A few hundred years ago. That forever changed the way Christians worship.

She had NO idea what I was talking about!

Which might’ve been ok. If she was from Asia, Africa or Antartica.

But she wasn’t. In fact, she was a LUTHERAN! (Like Martin Luther! Seriously?)

The Reformation might not seem that important if you’re not a person of faith, but even historically it was kind of a big deal. (How else would Henry VII have done away with some of those wives?)

Do we just take for granted that Average Joe is allowed to read the Bible? Do we not understand how the basis of modern worship practices emerged? Why did you never bother to learn about this? It kind of changed the course of Western history, and in effect, made a huge impact on the world. I mean, this is stuff I did in high school!

Now this post could go down the road of me decrying the ignorance and stupidity I must suffer in my daily life. But I’m sure there will be plenty of those posts over time, so I’ll take a different direction.

It seems there are these huge, gaping holes in our knowledge. We’re ignorant of things that are the very basis for our way of life. But maybe, sometimes, that’s ok.

As someone who hoards knowledge this confounds me. My roommate refuses to watch Jeopardy with me because I answer these inane questions that no one should actually know. But then there are those OTHER people. They scare me.

That's where I get caught up. In my head, with all my knowledge. When I over-analyze, and stop myself from trying things that could be great and wonderful and life-changing because I’m just waiting to “figure out the details” or “know more about it”, there are other people who just go for it. People like Jamie the Very Worst Missionary. Her blog is very raw. You can tell she doesn’t spend much time thinking about what she “should” say and she doesn’t have it all figured out, but I relate to her more than to most other missionaries I’ve met. (And I’ve met a lot) Or my friends, who, while they were in college, started these amazing non-profits out of an idea they had, and now they employ over a hundred women in Uganda, giving them a living wage, and educational assistance to empower themselves. Just because they thought they could. And maybe they didn’t have all the information when they started, but I’m not sure those formerly impoverished women care. (Check out Krochet Kids and 31 Bits)

While I still think that you should try to know as much as you can about a subject, ignorance is rarely the answer, maybe I need to remember that there’s a place for both knowledgeable and actionable types of people in the church. I like the analogy that we are a body. Maybe me and my information, knowledge and analyzing sorts of ways are the brain, while someone else is the heart and the guts. It’s kind of a beautiful thing when you think about it.

I tend to discount those that aren’t like me. Maybe because I feel like I’m being told that my contribution is less important, or that it should look more like someone else’s. But if we're working toward the same goal, appreciate the diverse gifting.

And before you think I’ve gone completely mushy on you, there are plenty of things I think I do better without anyone’s help. And people who don’t have the same goals as me, bug me. Even though I need them. Sigh....I’m forever a work in progress….

Una Descuenta

2011-05-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

On Saturday my roommate and I took part in a garage sale. It was one of those community ones where the whole city dedicates one Saturday to garage sales in order to discourage little ones throughout the year. (Which actually turns out to be a great idea because it increases traffic flow. You might not drive 10 mins. for one garage sale, but I bet you would for 100 garage sales.)

We spent A LOT of time cleaning out our apartment and were shocked with all the crap that was hiding in our closets.

Jess felt like she was on an episode of "Hoarders".

But the good news....we made $147 off of stuff we would've given away.

The bad news: Now we think everything should cost a dollar.

Seriously, I went to the drive-thru afterwards for some lunch and when they said $4.50 I was like "Excuse me? That's a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a coffee mug and our dish drying rack!"

Funny how our perceptions change.

What else have we trained ourselves to overpay for?

Semana Santa

2011-04-23T19:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Good Friday. While this is viewed somewhat of a gloomy day, to starkly contrast the springtime pastels of Easter Sunday, during my childhood it was synonymous with color.

During Holy Week (Semana Santa) the villages in Guatemala put on these spectacular processions. The city of Antigua's procession is one of the most beautiful as it takes place in the former capital with its preserved colonial architecture.

People spend hours sculpting these amazing carpets (alfombras), out of flowers, sawdust, and pine needles.

They do this in preparation for the processions that will take place. However the focus is really on the meticulous artwork.

And then the procession comes through, with their big floats and religious regalia.

And leaves this behind:

So sad. But I'm sure there's a parallel in there somewhere about how what we work so hard for in this life is fleeting, only Christ can provide eternity for us.

Not a bad theme for Holy Week. Might even make more sense than the egg-laying bunnies.

My Niece Who Lives A $600 Airplane Ride Away - :-(

2011-04-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

Cutest bathing suit ever?

Yes.

And those chunky little thighs, I wanna squeeze them!

Eyes Wide Shut

2011-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

I need unconventional work hours. My brain doesn't even wake up till 9am and isn't fully functional until at least 11am. Regardless of when I go to bed.

I am not a nice person during this time, but afterward I am positively delightful. And I get a second wind around 5pm and could work far into the night if I didn't have to be up so early the next morning.

So - my dream job should probably take place during these prime money-making, task completing hours. While I'm at it - I should probably be free to take off whenever I want, to run errands, go to the doctor or sleep in after staying up all night to watch The Royal Wedding. I'd better stop. This list could go on and on until I sound rather lazy. I'm a hard worker, I am, but I'm task oriented. When the job is done, I don't feel like waiting around until 5pm. Or in my case, 6:30pm.

Remember; "The early bird catches the worm" but "The sleepy bird never formats her Excel spreadsheets correctly".

The Gold Star Effect

2011-04-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

You know how in preschool they have those gold star charts? Or maybe it's a smiley face, or a check mark, or a thermometer you can color in to show your progress. Well I was taking a look at some of my recent internet activity and once again I feel the Type-A in me is making itself apparent.

For instance:

The Starbucks Reward App

It's not like I don't love coffee enough, but the idea that I could get a gold star every time I buy a cup? It's like a sweet afternote with refined acidity, subtle cocoa texture and gentle spice flavors.

Mint.com

This website is changing my financial life. I always thought I was good at budgeting, however I had no idea the effect that stop-light color-coded tracking bars could have. The further through the month I get, without filling up all the bars or seeing red makes saving money too easy. Kind of. Damn you Target!!!

And how about a multi-colored pie-chart to show you exactly how exorbitant the rent is in Southern California?

Earthday Footprint Calculator

This website: http://files.earthday.net/footprint/index.html
This allows you to calculate your carbon foot print with an unnervingly accurate avatar and a disturbing, but motivating planet icon.

And I thought I did a pretty good job at living GREEN. Apparently microwave dinners aren't eco-friendly, even though I might be able to make a case that 2 minutes in the microwave uses less energy than firing up that big box-like thing that sits under the stove.

The Little Engine That Could

2011-04-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

I'm working on my FINAL project for my master's degree.

In doing so I have to pull a bunch of examples and things that I used last year during my student teaching.

Let me just say that some of my units ROCKED.

Some of them really sucked. But more importantly, some of them ROCKED. Given all the education I now have, I'm at an impartial place to judge.

Don't take this as me bragging about how great I am/was. I do that enough elsewhere. It's just nice to know that even without the proper resources, training or support, I still didn't totally screw things up. Makes me think that I'm gonna make it after all.

Somebody's Got a Case of the Mondays

2011-04-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

Mondays are hard.

But what's driving me crazy is that Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays are also hard.

Saturdays are the exception, unless you have to attend a wedding, where your parents evaluate the "eligible bachelors" in the room so that they might have a chance at grandchildren while they're still young.

I feel like all week I go to work, and do my "job", just waiting till I can come home and crash on the couch for a few hours of mindless TV. The days that I have class are murder, especially since my "job" has nothing to do with the classes that I'm taking, and so applying the lessons to my professional life is difficult, to say the least. It's not that I think stapling and hole punching are beneath me, it just seems that I have a lot of student loan debt for a professional hole-puncher.

It sounds spoiled, but I want something more out of my everyday. I want to be passionate about the things I'm spending my time on. The classic example is that you should do what you love and it will never feel like work. If that were true though, I doubt there would be any garbage collectors or janitors. I'm grateful for those people. Also, sometimes even when I love it, it feels like work.

I think a big portion of this is that we operate with rules that were set long ago, before technology erased the need for many of these rules. For instance, at least ten times a day I'm sitting at my desk and think, I could be at home typing all of this data into my computer from my couch and e-mailing it in. Not only would it probably be done in half the time, since there would be so few interuptions, but also I wouldn't have to wear heels. I understand the collaboration of the workplace, but when my boss e-mails me a letter to type for him, I just wonder if maybe it wouldn't be as easy for him to fire me and hit print.

It's tough when you don't feel like you contribute much more than a trained monkey. A monkey highly trained in the quirks of Microsoft Excel, but a monkey nonetheless. And this is what I spend 10 hours a day doing, to go home and crash, praying for the weekend to come quickly, so that I can sleep as long as I like, to store up my energy for the next week, when I need to do it all over again. All this, and I can still barely cover my bills.

Granted, I'm not out at dawn, ploughing the fields to pay taxes to a feudal lord, so it could be worse.

But couldn't it be better?

The Female Socrates of the Mid 90's

2011-04-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

During student teaching, my roommate and I began a Monday night ritual, whereby we kicked back with a bottle of Trader Joe's finest vintage and complained about how long the week ahead seemed. We called it, Wine-y Mondays.

This ritual was usually accompanied by another one of our pasttimes, which involves watching entire TV series on DVD. For a TV series to be considered worthy of our time, many factors must be considered. It helps if the TV-show is at least 15 years old and was a primetime hit back in the day, but since we're so super cool, we're just now jumping on the bandwagon. (Although this doesn't always apply as evidenced by recent viewings of The Big Bang Theory, HIMYM, and The Tudors)

So last night, in revival of our long-overdue Wine-y Monday, we sat down to watch Ally McBeal.

What we discovered was pure genius.

We may have spent the rest of the evening ~~posting quotes on each other's facebook walls while sitting in the same room,~~ discussing the poignant perspective of a semi-successful, depressive, single, twenty-something. It may have hit a little close to home. For instance, look at all the pertinent categories she addresses;

Crappy Every-Day Life

-Even if I get past my problems I’m just gonna go out and get new ones.

-Today is gonna be a less bad day I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know that things are going to be…. Less bad.

-Sometimes I’m tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn’t get to wear my outfits.
-I have a new philosophy; I’m only gonna dread one day at a time.

-So here I am, a victim of my own choices. And I’m just starting.

-Do you know anyone happier than me? -I used to but they jumped off a bridge!

-What makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else's? -They're mine.

-I can't believe my life. One minute it's going okay, I mean... as okay as my life can get, then the gong knocks me completely off my feet.

-Looking backwards, many of the saddest times in my life turn out to be the happiest. So I must be happy now. Yeah. This is gonna be good. Why else would I be crying?

Relationships, or Lack Thereof

-Society is made up of more women than men. If women really wanted to change society they could do it. I plan to do it……… I just wanna get married first.

-All I ever wanted was to be rich and successful and to have three kids and a husband waiting at home to tickle my feet and look at me…. I don’t even like my hair!

It's Not Me, It's You.

-I’m not going through an odd phase. I really am odd.

Those Friends You Can't Get Through Life Without

-Don’t ask questions, don’t pass judgement, don’t even pass go! Just listen, accept the fact that I need help, and give it to me.

-Just remember when you’re with me you’re not the strangest person in the room. Go ahead; get weird with me!

-Listen, I don't need to pay for a therapist to give me crap. I have a roommate who does it for free.

Undeniable Truth

-I had a bad day so I came in here to splash a little cold water on my face. -But you’re not splashing.
-Well of course I’m not. If I did that I’d have to re-apply all my make-up. Yet another problem of living in a male dominated world.

So my friends; today is going to be a less bad day, I can feel it! Get weird with me.

A Brief History of Blogging

2011-03-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

There are many influences in my blogging life. My decision to take my blog public is due in large part to some of the pages listed below. So for my first public post - I will do a tribute to those that inspired me to blog.

*Please do not assume that I have any sort of endorsement from these sites. They've merely played a role in my blogging lifestyle and wanted to give them a shout-out. These bloggers would probably be a little dismayed to find out that I am one of their followers as I lack the any level of internet-cool factor.*

Overheard in the Office

While not exactly a blog, this compilation kept me going during my cube-dwelling days. http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/

One Pretty Thing

I check this daily for all my creative outlets. Most of the featured blogs are also on my daily checklist. Don't worry, there will be many posts dedicated to them. http://www.oneprettything.com/

Rage Against the Minivan

During my student teaching days I developed a love for mommy blogs, not because I was a mommy but because I desperately missed nannying for my little loves. Other than that, this woman is so cool and I want to meet her. I think we would be great friends, and once, when I was at church I saw her sitting one section over and I reacted like a 13 year old girl who'd just had a Bieber sighting. My friends were disgusted. http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/

Joy's Hope

I actually know this woman. I attended her church when I was young and angry. She was lovely but it makes me sad to know that because of the dark time I was going through, I never connected with her, because after reading her blog, I think we could be besties. One of my reasons for blogging - I got to know this person better than when I actually knew her. http://www.joyshope.com/

Jon Acuff

This man is hilarious. Sarcastic, witty humor, with obscure references get me everytime. I think he speaks my language because his blog continually tricks me into meaninful reflection of my relationship with God. I appreciate him for sharing his faith in such a non-traditional way, because all too often I've felt like a failure for not connecting with Christianity in the traditional way. Not to mention that growing up as a pastor's daughter, I'm relieved to know that someone had a childhood as strange as mine. http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/

Jamie the Very Worst Missionary

Speaking of sarcastic, witty, humorous, and fluent in my faith-language. This woman embraces unorthodoxy without apology and continually has me examining my worldview and faith. Not to mention that as a former missionary kid, I relate with so much of what she writes about, and appreciate her raw-honesty. You see some crazy things out there and I would prefer to have this woman on my team while encountering them. http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com/

I have so many other notable influences. Like my graduate thesis. Which wasn't very good, but consisted of using blogs as a reading-response mechanism in a high school English class. I still think it's a great idea, I just wish my thesis had more actual blog-reading than statistical analysis and review of educational theory. One day I'll revisit that topic when I'm less tired. For now we can just say I'm in the "research phase", consisting of reading lots of different blogs and writing my own. We could also discuss my undergraduate thesis which revolved around the principle that the most effective method of communication is narrative. That one I really like, but since I already feel like this post needs footnotes, I'll spare you.

Going Public

2011-03-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

I watched Jeopardy! tonight and Julie Ross Godar, the managing editor at BlogHer was the returning contestant.

http://www.blogher.com/member/honeybeast

Not only do I love Jeopardy!, but this woman has a job that fascinates me and managed to make a fair bit of money by knowing trivial bits of knowledge.

I must research this further.

But, what it ultimately made me decide is that I'm going to make my blog public. As an introvert who likes her privacy, I've not yet done this. But after realizing how much I love reading certain blogs every day and continually thinking "I wish I could do that, I wish my life was interesting" I've determined to make myself interesting.

Or at least open myself up to the opportunity for others to judge me as uninteresting.

The opportunity to make a little money also intrigues me. Not that I think my writing is going to attract the ad-clickers in droves, but in my income-reduced state I get excited about a quarter on the sidewalk.
Besides, as Julie said "I could write a blog, I have thoughts!"

This has given me a small measure of apprehension, not the least of which is caused by how cringe-worthy some of my former posts are. Knowing that someone might actually read this makes the brooding, morose, pretentious rants seem like, well, brooding, morose, pretentious rants.

But, best foot forward. Spit spot - and off we go!

Please forgive me.

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing

2011-03-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

I read this earlier this week.

http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/1-easy-way-to-kill-perfectionism/

I struggle with this. Even on my silly little blog with 3 whole followers.

I think it's why I procrastinate so much. When I can't clearly identify the next step, or the desired outcome I just put it off. Perhaps inspiration will strike and it will take care of itself. Most of the time it does not.

In the meantime nothing is accomplished. I like the idea that 90% imperfect and published is better than 100% still in your head.

So today will be a day where I "unprocrastinate". I will make a list. After work I will start on that list. I will complete the list, even if it's not up to my standards. We will see how it goes.

It had better be a short list.

Irish Pride

2011-03-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

St. Patrick's day is likely my favorite holiday.

Think about it, there is absolutely NO PRESSURE to do ANYTHING but wear green. And green is my favorite color. There are no presents to buy, no cards to send, no preparations to make. You simply go about your day, prefferably dressed in my favorite color, and at the end of it all, if you are so inclined. You have a drink. My kind of holiday.

I like Ireland. Ireland seems like a pretty place, although I've never been. I liked Riverdance, so that counts for something. I like potato-based foods, and Ireland had something to do with potatoes. And apparently there are no snakes there.

Also, I rather like St. Patrick, for who the day was named. Although it's been disputed that he didn't really drive all the snakes out of Ireland, that it was a metaphor for paganism and the lack of snakes is the result of the glacial splits, I feel like he definately took a stand against snakes. I hate snakes, and taking a stand against them means you can be my friend. He also took a stand against slavery a few hundred years before that sort of thing was common. But the snake part is big.

All in all, I will plan on enjoying today. A little glimpse of spring, hopefully a pot of gold, but if not, at least a rum and coke to finish off the day.

Exhaustive Inaction

2011-03-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

I'm avoiding my problems.

It's not helpful.

It's not healthy.

I know it's better to risk action, than to regret inaction.

It's not even like I'm getting anything else done.

But here I sit, paralyzed. Except for my stomach, which is threatening to revolt.

2 years old.

2011-02-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when things don't turn out exactly the way a girl wants, there is nothing quite so satisfying as the hissy fit.

If I could get away with this, I might. But I can't, so I "vent" to those closest to me until I feel better. Neither of these approaches really fixes anything.

Maybe a million dollars would fix things. I'd say it's worth a try.

Days that start at 6am are longer than others

2010-09-21T21:44:00.000-07:00

Let's recap today: Woke up with a footsie in my face and 2 extra people in my bed, freaked out over being in the right lane at kindergarten valet drop-off, inflamed my sciatica by carrying Jack around Disneyland, reminded Eli of my name 67,000 times, saw Whoopi Goldberg, tried to build a LEGO helicopter, failed my Educational Research exam, inflamed my sciatica by sitting through a 4 hour lecture class, and stole a roll of paper towels. Pretty Great Day.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens....

2010-06-18T14:48:00.000-07:00

I love summer! Not only is the weather perfect for comfortable clothes, but I feel like I give myself permission to relax because "it's summer". That being said, here is a list of some of my favorite summer things.

10. White lace up Keds; such a throwback-cute style, and so comfortable
9. Jersey dresses; Old Navy, Target, H&M, I plan on cleaning you out of stock!
8. Sleeping in; I hate alarm clocks
7. Iced coffee; coffee in any form is good, but a hot summer day is just a perfect excuse
6. Traveling; The idea of summer vacation doesn't go away - and I love to get out of the country!
5. Reclining pool floaty with built-in cup holder; the kids splash, I relax, ahhhhhh!
4. Climate Change; I love walking out from frigid air conditioning to the warm sun and heat rising from the pavement
3. Reading Lists; I get to decide what goes on the list, and enjoy devouring it
2. Afternoon Art Projects; Scissors, glue, paint, glitter? It's all too much, but I can just keep going forever! (Or until my roomates revolt)
1. Flexibility: Wait, concert in LA in 2 hours? Sure! Beach Bonfire tonight? Sure! Impromptu sleep overs? Sure! BBQ Anything? Sure!

Summer, I have missed you!

A Room of One's Own

2010-04-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

I went to Ikea today in search of a new duvet cover and it left me depressed. I've been more than a little upset over the cleanliness of our apartment lately, and feeling that I don't want to use anything "nice" for fear of my roomates.

I am so sick of this transitory lifestyle that I've been leading the last few years. I simply want SPACE. Even just a little bit, to carve out as my own. I want my things, that I've handpicked, to be in my space, and that will be used by only me. Maybe I'll let a select group of others use them too. Only after they've completed the interview process and background check though.

I want to start accumulating nice things and real furniture, because plastic dishes and "storage essential" furniture can only get you so far. I love clean and organized with some design elements thrown in for eye candy. I'm more than willing to invest time and money into this pursuit, but since I don't have enough of either, I'm stuck with roomates who don't know how to throw out their rotten food.

It's a big scary world out there, and I just want to create a little oasis for myself.

Whereupon Ignorance is Not Bliss

2010-03-19T21:55:00.000-07:00

Every so often I finish ranting against something and wonder "Is it just me?" or "Since I'm the only one that feels this way, I must be wrong". Even my mom jokes about how I always have it "all figured out". Well vindication has come!

As you may have noticed, I struggled with many philosophies of education during my Beginning Student Teacher semester. Mainly, I struggled with the actual applicability of anything I learned. I believe I even had a bit to say once I started my Advanced Student Teaching. Today I was sent an article by another teacher highlighting some recent research and definitive findings in the field of education.

Check it out: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/magazine/07Teachers-t.html?pagewanted=1&sq=teachers&st=cse&scp=3

Basically it outlines 2 distinct areas of need in education. The actual taxonomy of classroom management, and the need for teachers to have a certain level of subject level knowledge, as well as a clear understanding of the content to be taught. Both of these things are specific elements that I decried the lack of during my BST.

So much was regarded as just "experience-based" however in recent research 49 specific behaviors of classroom facilitation have been noted. This taxonomy has recently been published and is encouraged as part of the curriculum for teacher-training. It seems that when I was demanding actual methods be taught, and I was told that I would just learn them with "experience", I was actually way ahead of the game.

Secondly, I've said that a teacher can be taught to be a teacher, but it is useless if they don't know anything about what they're teaching. It seems that this is also a realized weakness in education. While I am more than proficient in the areas of English literature, the fact that there is "a pervasive uncertainty about the nature of the discipline" calls for some standardized guidelines for English-Language Arts teachers. Sound familiar? Perhaps you should see my previous post, or Stanford professor Dr. Pamela Grossman's research on the topic.

Finally, what bothers me the most about this, is that in reading 1 article and doing a little internet legwork, I now have an abundance of academic research and a book in my Amazon shopping cart that will provide me with more in the way of teacher preparation than all the collective work of the last 6 months. It turns out that real teachers never use lesson plans, but that they might benefit from knowing what they're supposed to teach. Once again I feel that my educational needs were not met. Had I been given these few resources, read them and maybe written a review paper, I would've been more prepared to teach, and probably would have excelled in the field. Now I understand that my learning methods are not like those of the majority. But therein lies the problem. If you teach to the middle, often you simply get mediocrity. While I could have received preparation to be an excellent teacher, my educational needs were largely ignored, and I had to settle for being simply good. Simply good is not bad, but education is one area where the status quo cannot afford to be any lower.

So yes, I do feel as though my pessimistic outcries were not in vain. I do feel, that perhaps, while I was being ignored, others were simply frightened by my radically correct ideas. Or perhaps they were just too lazy to realize that what I was saying was complete and utter TRUTH, and that maybe they were wrong and would now have to do something about it. OK, I realize that I'm on a self-congratulatory trip here. But wouldn't you feel the same if your ideas had been belittled only to find out during a few hours of research that you were EXACTLY RIGHT?

The only question that remains is; what else am I right about?

Notes on An Education

2010-02-10T20:42:00.000-08:00

So to begin with; no wonder it's so difficult for English language learners in our education system. There are too many acronyms for even the teachers to understand! Throw a few LMNO's in there and you call it a learning strategy.

Building background knowledge: While in the library choosing books for our classic book reports, (think Austen, Dickens and Tolstoy) a recalcitrant student says to me "I don't really like any of these books, they're all really old". This is the future of America.

I understand that second semester seniors are over it. I get that, but I was taking 3 AP classes my senior year, so even though I felt that way, I didn't get to give into it because it would have been detrimental to my future. These kids need to understand that slacking off will be detrimental to their future because even if they don't intend on going to college, real life will require some of these skills. Maybe not reading Shakespeare, but analyzing a text for meaning or writing a coherent paragraph are things they need to know. They clearly have not been taught this by their former teachers. English is one of the most sought after degrees by employers because English majors can analyze, understand and concisely respond to ideas. So pay attention, this may not seem useful to you, but at the very least, you should be respectful to the teacher. Who is far, far, far, more educated than you.

College is so different. Students have learned that there isn't always just one right answer, as standardized tests have trained them to think. You learn to let ideas float around and react to them. Aside from the fact that most students try harder, if for no other reason than that they're paying for this education, professors force you to step up because they refuse to babysit you. This is where independent study skills are HUGE. If you can already take notes, write a structured essay and read for understanding, you're far ahead of the game. Oh wait, these are all skills I'm offering to teach you if you would just pay attention.

You are receiving a free education. Our government gave you the right to a free education. I know you're tired of being here, and I don't always agree with how things are done in our education system, but you are still guaranteed this above-average, comprehensive education for free. That's something that people in other countries fight for. You're here anyway, so you might as well learn something.

My biggest problem with student teaching thus far is that so much attention was paid to placating my supposed "fears" about classroom management. I was never worried about handling the students. I'm a stubborn bitch and I'm far too educated and I've seen far too much of the world to be concerned with whether or not a group of high school students likes me. What concerns me is that I was given almost no help with the curriculum. This is especially difficult in English where there is no "Teacher's Edition". English is far too broad to not have some guidance. Telling someone to "teach Hamlet, 1984 and Frankenstein" is not guidance. The Hamlet of my college courses is a far different one from the Hamlet of high school college prep. I don't need someone to hover or micromanage, but giving us lesson plans, worksheets or a schedule for us to use as a reference would be helpful. Without resources or even expectations, I don't understand how we can be held accountable for what students are learning. And really, we aren't. We will let them graduate, even if they only sat in class counting ceiling tiles everyday. No wonder they don't want to be here, you've obviously shown them that we're nothing more than a glorified stay-off-the-streets program. Now maybe you understand my affective filter; I'm being taught how to educate by people who have no idea how to define education.

The Munich Signature

2010-01-28T23:31:00.000-08:00

Appeasement, pacification and political correctness. All things that provide a psuedo-solutuion to a problem while ignoring the root of the matter. We've become so cultured to think that we must constantly be polite that we've stopped saying or doing anything of substance. We continue to put up this facade of how we should act while our true feelings simmer inside. Why do we think this is better? Why does the performance of happiness trump a struggle with reality? At least in the latter we would be struggling with truth.

Take political correctness. Now this subject probably deserves its own blog post, but I'll try to give you the Reader's Digest version here. What has political correctness ever done but make politicians even more vague and incomprehensible than they already are? Not to mention the numerous opportunities it opens up to flog granny for saying "Oriental". (Which btw is derived from the Latin for 'East' so it really is equitable to 'Middle-Eastern'. But for those keeping score at home, one's ok and the other's not.) Who gets to decide that the term "African-American" is more correct than "black"? And why is it not ok to say "black" but I can be "white"? Despite the fact that I'm really more of a peachy-cream color, the term "African-American" confuses race with citizenship. Why should an American-born black person be considered "African" first, while I'm simply "American" yet I wasn't even born in the US. Do you see how this "correctness" is so very incorrect?

But I digress; appeasement and pacification.

Politeness is not what I take issue with here; say please and thank-you, put your trash in the trash can, wipe your nose. All of that is great, but I am sick and tired of the constant need to maintain this "rainbows and sunshine" personality. It has somehow become so admirable to be "nice" in all situations. I'd rather we were "real". Niceness can be faked. Trust me, I work in retail. It's more admirable to be real. Where there is a conflict it needs to be addressed. Directly and succinctly. And the "nicer" everyone is, the more muddied the waters get. Say what you mean! Have an opinion! Commit to your feelings! Since what you're saying probably isn't very noteworthy, I'll likely respect you more for sticking to your guns than the "Introduction to Psychology" list of terms you're spouting. The more homework and thought you've put into your opinion, the more respect you'll garner from me. Too much of what we say is unnecessary niceties (except here, where I am verbose with genius and truth) that we end up corralling ourselves in these perceived social roles, holding one another at a distance. If you're saying what you think, and what you mean, and I don't like it? Well at least I don't like you for a real reason. And I'd much rather stay away from people that I know don't actually like me, who are really only suffering my presence. I get so tired of feeling like a bitch for saying what I actually think, or what isn't classified as "correct". Yet, when pressed, people can find nothing untrue about my statement. I'm not saying go picket anti-gay signs at Fashion Week or anything, that's just asking for trouble. And nix Pat Robertson venues too. But there are appropriate places to share your mind on topics you have thoughtfully formed an opinion on. This should include friends, roommates, coworkers, people in your daily life who matter to you. However these are usually the people we avoid conflict with at all costs. Maybe if we all were a little less shy about saying something of substance we would become more adept at actually dealing with conflict instead of just smoothing over the issues. Which brings me to appeasement. Being nice is fine, if you're a nice person. I am not a nice person. However I am many other things. I am intelligent, hard working, loyal and efficient. I'm organized, thoughtful, practical and worldly. Don't make me feel less worthy than you, because I won't gloss over my frustrations. If my roommates are making a mess, they need to know that I think that is disgraceful and disrespectful behavior. If we continue with this nonsense of "It's not a big deal but..." or "Let's all try a little harder...." it only veils the fact that I feel that since cleanliness is next to godliness, uncleanliness is a sin. Feelings are no excuse for unsanitary living conditions. Then perhaps if said roommates realize my fervor on the matter, they will try harder out of their respect for me, or if not, then we can amicably agree to part ways. Aren't these things we wish people were honest about before signing a lease agreement? By "appeasing" during conflicts, we only minimize the way we outwardly feel about the conflict, thereby almost ensuring it happens again. Then what was done in the name of harmony results in bitterness. I mentioned godliness. I would just like to point out that Jesus, the epitome of godliness, didn't always say things in the most polite way. The guy was pretty straightforward about how he felt and laid it out there with no excuses. Not just to the Pharisees either, but to his best buds. As friends go, besides covering the grocery bill, coordinating the survival of a few shipwrecks and various other miracles, he sometimes comes off as a jerk. Except to children. Because they are honest, and probably lacked the deceitful, two-faced social propriety that passed for polite behavior. Try telling a 5 year-old to let Johnny down the street pull the heads off her Barbies in order to keep the neighborhood peaceful. Another great lesson we can learn from children is that pacification doesn't work. Sure it's a short-term solution, but you just wait until you're the mother with a 10-year old in full flailing tantrum mode at the grocery store because you said no Oreos. Forget Oreos, by this point it's probably an iPhone. Pacification only teaches those being pacified to push the limits until they get what they want. If you lay out your stance and opinions straight up, with no apologies, you are establishing your boundaries. People can then choose to respect them or not, but at least everyone knows where you stand, and you've cut through all the Stepfordian bullshit. The problem is people aren't trained to accurately and honestly say what they feel.

"Hi, how are you?"

"Oh I'm fine"

If we're supposed to celebrate our differences then shouldn't we start having some? Let's quit blurring the lines with pretty language and start realizing and respecting these differences. And don't go all post-modern about it. That's just appeasement and political-correctness under a different name. Everyone has the right to their opinion. But I think mine's the best and I'm going to stick with it, and fully respect your right to do the same, until I'm convinced otherwise. Then at least I'm not stuck living with someone who refuses to load their dishes in the dishwasher, while being labeled a bitch for wanting to eat my food off plates that are properly sterilized, in a kitchen whose floor is free from sticky gunk that keeps sticking to my feet.

Neville Chamberlin, one of the most famous pleasers in history, gave himself a pat on the back for how "nice" he was. However when the problem inevitably escalated into war, they had to call in Winston Churchill to get the job done. You know who wasn't known for his social niceties? Winston Churchill.

A Year in Review

2009-12-31T22:34:00.000-08:00

So it's been awhile, but as New Year's always makes me think back on times past, I decided to take stock of the past 12 months.
Last New Year's Eve featured me asleep on my parent's living room floor as they had gone to bed and forgotten me. I was there to escape my place of employment, which was also my living situation. Despite occupying the guest house of the McMansion for no money down, and no monthly payments, I was exhausted by all that accompanies living where you work. So feeling blue and weary, I sought refuge at my parent's only to realize that my problem was more of a lack of mental direction than physical weakness.
This New Year's Eve finds me in a house worth nearly a million dollars more than the McMansion, although I'm only here for a short stint, in return for 5 days of labor. To say that regulating the chaos has been exhausting is an understatement, but perhaps I owe some of that chaos to the pinched nerve in my lower back. Whether the nerve was pinched during the 12 hour car ride here, moving boxes out of the flooded garage or hefting a 30 lb 2-year-old in a snowsuit through rather fresh snowdrifts is really anyone's guess. If my phone had reception, I might have called my mother to reminisce about last year's festivities. However, I no longer have to escape to my parents as I pay a rather large monthly sum for a rather luxurious apartment, which I share with 4 other people. One of those people is one of my best friends, and probably contributes a great deal to me not burying myself in said snowdrifts, so I can't quite call that a drawback. I no longer lack direction, just motivation. But at least getting a graduate degree isn't costing me a cent, so it can't really be called a drawback either.
In all, I seem to have arrived at a zero-sum conclusion. This New Year's Eve did feature a kiss from the most handsome boy on the planet, but since he had to be in bed by 8pm, it wasn't exactly the pinnacle of my evening. I suppose breaking even isn't a bad way to go, especially considering the recession-induced nightmare that many people suffered through this year. And when I get down, I can always remember where I was when this decade started: Asleep on my parent's floor....in a small farm town in western Canada. Upgrade?

Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions

2009-04-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

I love a cup of coffee, especially on mornings where I can just sit and relax and update myself on everyone else's facebook status. There need to be more days like this.

Relax, Confront Reality and Plan Accordingly

2009-03-10T10:55:00.001-07:00

These days I either feel extremely restless or like I want to crawl under the covers and ignore my responsibilities. Terrible options. How do I fix this?

Trudging Along

2009-02-27T10:26:00.000-08:00

She sometimes thought that for her, the most straightforward or innocent occupation was doomed to become, inevitably, fraught with tedious complication.

Greyish-blue

2009-02-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

It seems like I only ever update my blog when I'm feeling blue. I don't think I'm blue though. Today I am grey. Just blehhhh. And everything I that keeps happening in my day just greys it further. I watched Kicking and Screaming the other night and now I have a new mantra: "Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions". Trust Will Ferrell to sum up my complex emotional distress.

Tantrums

2009-01-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

I know that patience is a virtue, but it seems that when I decide something, I want it now! My mom says that it's like a haircut, you can schedule your haircuts in advance but the day you look in the mirror and decide you need a haircut, you NEED to get a haircut. No one else may notice the state of your hair, but you know, and it consumes you, because you want it NOW. That's how I feel about my life right now. It's like I've decided my life needs a haircut, (a drastic chop it all off, A-line bob) and my hairdresser won't return my phone calls. Not my real hairdresser, my metaphorical one. I'd have better luck with the real one cuz she's a sweetheart. This is a dangerous place to be in because it means that I might grab the kitchen scissors and just start hacking away. We all know that never works out, but at the time it seems like a better idea than living with the split ends.

Playing on Repeat

2009-01-09T10:07:00.000-08:00

I was sure by now

God, you would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise you in this storm,

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from you Lord,

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Bells will be ringing, their sad sad tune....

2008-12-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

I wish that I didn't have to do the things I'm supposed to do. Like go to work today. But that's a normal thing to want to avoid. I also wish I didn't have to take a shower because I'm too cold and the water isn't warm enough. I also don't want to blow dry my hair, or have uncomfortable conversations with uncomfortable people. I don't want to fake a smile today and would rather just make a fort out of my blankets and hide in bed all day. I feel whiny when I'm like this, which makes me feel like one of the kids I take care of, and I have no idea why I should be allowed to whine when I send them to time out. I'm excited for Christmas but there are somedays when the best Christmas present would be to be allowed to lay in bed all day watching A Muppet Christmas Carol. Which I hope Amazon hurries up and sends to me.

Christmas is coming...if you haven't got a penny a ha' penny will do, if you haven't got a ha' penny then God bless you!

2008-12-01T10:22:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. This year there's a lot of talk about the economy and how this holiday season might be less cheery than usual. I have a differing opinion.

Martha Stewart's holiday issue came out and it was all about inexpensive gifts you can make for the people you love. I think this is great. Necessity is the mother of invention and I think a little necessity could open us up to some improved inventions. I like the idea of concentrating on creative ways that we can spread holiday cheer instead of just buying whatever is advertised. Sometimes it takes more thought and effort to come up with these new ideas, but since when did throwing down cash become the only way to show love? I knit my niece a scarf, because I'm all into knitting right now, and after buying the yarn I think the whole gift cost $3.99. I spent a couple afternoons knitting it and I was wondering if she'd really care since it wasn't a Disney Princess themed toy, but when I tried it on Ryan to measure the length, all she talked about was the "cozy necklace" and how pretty it was. So Ryan's getting a scarf too. It's a great opportunity to step back and reevaluate where our attention (and money) goes, and maybe come up with new or better ways to achieve our ends. Plus, teaching little ones how to make something (a scarf), out of nothing (a ball of yarn) with just a little time, patience and inspiration can only be a good thing. This isn't supposed to be a sentimental speech about the "true meaning of Christmas". I just think that even in the face of adversity maybe we can find some good in the situation, instead of swallowing what the stock market and economists tell us. After all, frugality is not one of the seven deadly sins.

Do not take if you have a history of heart disease, irregular blood pressure, fainting or shortness of breath...

2008-11-18T22:09:00.001-08:00

Today, I was super-woman but as I was driving to Jess' to stay the night so I could be even super-er tomorrow, I realized that I'd had chest pains all day. Not ER style, just achy, shortness of breath, stressed, not eating all day style. I'm 21, I shouldn't be having chest pains.

So I've taken up knitting, under advisement from my doctor. Something about the repetitive "Knit 1, Purl 2" is supposed to help relax me. If nothing else, all my anxiety could result in a lovely blanket.

10 Things That Make Me Happy

2008-11-10T11:52:00.000-08:00

1. Disneyland

2. A new issue of Real Simple or Martha Stewart Living

3. C.O. Bigelow's Rosemary Mint hand soap

4. Hardback books with gold-embossed covers

5. White clapboard houses with dark green shutters

6. Coffee, especially of the Latin American mocha variety

7. Gap Body's Super-Softee pajamas

8. Target giftcards

9. My oversized VU sweatshirt blanket

10. Ghirradelli's Special Dark 60 % Cacao Squares

Time to Up the Meds....

2008-11-04T18:04:00.000-08:00

Love always extends grace, says Corinthians. So what does it mean when you feel as though all of your grace has been extended? I guess it makes me more in awe of God that his grace is never-ending, because I feel like mine has run out. But it also ticks me off because I feel like it's never enough. I'm tired, and weary, and there is no foreseeable change. I'm just supposed to keep on keeping on. And I will, because I have no other choice. But one day I won't be able to, and I worry about the consequences of that.

Lazing around in my pajamas

2008-11-01T17:13:00.000-07:00

I miss the West Wing. There was a marathon on today and it reminded me of what a great show it was.

Stop screwin' with my feng shui.

2008-10-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

I love organizing! So today I cleaned the playroom, downstairs toy cabinet, kitchen, classroom, coffee table and craft cabinet. I was totally on HGTV doing an episode of "Clean Sweep". But it got me to thinking about how much CRAP we have. Well not me, the rich people, since I wasn't cleaning my stuff. But there was just SO much unnecessary crap that I threw away or gave away. It wasn't just rich kid's playroom excess either where she owns every single Disney princess dress, and every toy in every color, but junk too. Like all this mass produced stuff, or stuff from birthday goodie bags. Made in China style. Jack is a year old and it's his life goal to get into the kitchen cabinet to play with the plastic pieces from the food processor, and yet he has 20 different plastic animal sets that he completely ignores. All I'm going to give my kid to play with is a Tic Tac box and a pipe cleaner. I'll save money and the earth. Go Green! and all that. I feel bad that not even Goodwill wants this stuff so it will just sit in a landfill forever. They have books and shows and magazines dedicated to helping you get rid of all the excess. Things you, at one point, paid for. Our society has so much, that we actually require help getting rid of some of it. I say take it back to 'Little House on the Prairie' style and give each other a thimble and a shiny penny for birthdays.

Wax on...Wax off.

2008-10-27T20:36:00.001-07:00

I went to get my car washed today. Now it is SOOOO shiny! And I just sat and talked to Wyatt while they were drying it. He pretty much explained life to me. Then we picked up Paige. She explained her mom's car accident to me as the "old lady 'sprunched' mommy's car".

Even though I accomplished a lot today (took care of grad school paperwork, had lunch with Amanda, washed and gassed the car, bought a car seat, picked up the kids,) I just came home feeling down. It's not enough for me to eat 3 meals a day, get my paycheq, hang out with my friends, and have an overall good day, apparently I demand something more. And what that is, I have yet to find out.

The Statistical Average

2008-10-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day. One where I felt like I was responsible for everything and successful at nothing. The problem is that once you've juggled dishes, diapers, family, friends, puppies, parties, meals, mothers, tantrums, tears, games, groceries, hygiene and hugs, it's really not your life. No matter how well you've managed the tightrope today, you get to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. And it's not your tightrope, which leaves you feeling vaguely unfulfilled. My mom thinks that a career change is the solution, but I think the solution involves more of an overall life-goal identification. Besides, who in their right mind would quit their job in this economy. Especially one that includes room and board.